Trying to get FIRED!!!

Trying to steal my birthday guy just sent me this funny thing…  I was complaining to him that no matter how hard I try I just can’t get fired. (Well, I am not sure I actually want to get fired just in case Karma is paying attention to this)But anyway I HATE my job, as most patriotic Americans do. I did actually curse out my boss and her boss and the HR director and asked them to fire me… but they just looked blankly at me and simply replied that they didn’t want to fire me and they liked me and that I was smart. Now lets ask ourselves this questions. Does T actually value the opinions of these three people? Well do you normally cuss out people you respect? NOoooo! 

I know your thinking I am a bitch and they are probably just doing their job but before you assume that just know that I opted not to respond several times to their questions and opinions about all the BS we talk endlessly about and they insisted I share. I opened my mouth trying to be nice and diplomatic but it just didn’t work out that way.

SO… Trying to steal my birthday guy thought of some good ways to try and get fired! 

~Attend work wearing a Hawaiian Shirt, and Flip Flops.

~Randomly slur words, and talk to yourself during meetings.

~Have a deep argument with yourself in meetings.

~Come to work, all funky and unshowered.

~Learn to say, “That’s not part of my job description,” and use it frequently.

~Go shopping in the supply closet. While you’re at it, run a few errands with the company car and pad your expense report. Stealing from the company is one of the best ways to guarantee your immediate dismissal.

~Abuse company technology. Think your boss won’t notice that you spend more time instant messaging your friends than you do working? Think again. Most companies monitor all their employees’ e-mails and Internet usage — and that includes what you do with your laptop after hours. Never use your company computer for anything illegal or X-rated.

~Complain about your job to anyone who will listen. Whether your pay is too low, the work is drudgery or you think your boss is an idiot, be careful of who hears you complain.

~Forget teamwork — look out for No. 1. No one wants to work with an arrogant employee who steals ideas or an egotistical worker who demeans others. Helping your co-workers doesn’t make you a pushover, it makes you smart. Likeable employees move up the company ranks more quickly, and your colleagues will be more likely to help you find leads when you launch your next job search.

~Bring your personal life to work. It’s inevitable that personal business is going to pop up during work hours. But keep in mind that cubicles don’t lend any privacy, so the whole office can hear — and are distracted by — you making that appointment with your waxer.

~Want to show your boss how little you care about your job or career progress? Regularly come in late and leave early. After all, if you can’t be trusted to show up on time, how can your boss trust you with more responsibility?

~Treat deadlines more like guidelines. When you procrastinate, everyone suffers. Your missed deadlines reflect poorly on you and your boss, and they delay everyone else on the project, since they can’t finish their work until you do yours.